Maintaining her sense of style is what Elisha Daniels believes helped her, in part, to get better.
Her passion for fashion helped in her fight
October 15, 2009
Feature Writer
Think Sex and the City meets soccer mom. To battle cancer.
You Can Do This! Surviving Breast Cancer Without Losing Your Sanity or Your Style, is just that, a description and prescription for battling cancer while maintaining your inner and outer girly girl.
Elisha Daniels, a fashion and beauty expert in Boston, is the fashionista half of the author equation. Kelley Tuthill, a Boston television journalist and mom of two young children, is the other half. Both women were diagnosed with breast cancer in their 30s and underwent mastectomies.
They found no shortage of medical bibles on breast cancer. What they wanted was a friendly, down-to-earth guide, packed with information on whether to reconstruct and how to survive chemotherapy. So they wrote one. It was released in September and sells for $16.
Daniels spoke to the Star about the psychological importance of maintaining appearances.
Q: Who thinks about fashion when they're diagnosed with cancer?
A: I think it depends on the person. But I learned in my experience that part of your ability to fight this disease is to feel good about yourself. And you have to look good to feel good.
Q: Isn't this giving women one more thing to worry about when all they should be worrying about is getting well?
A: Obviously, anyone who is diagnosed with cancer, the very first priority is to save her life. I'm not telling people to wear high heels. I am telling people, from my experience, this is what helped me. This is what made me feel good. Knowing that this disease was only robbing me of my time and not of the woman that I am helped me to get better.
Q: Why was it important to you to remain fashionable throughout your illness?
A: It's who I am. I'm in the business, it's a passion, it's my lifestyle. And I was not allowing this disease to rob me of my life and who I am.
Q: How can you dress stylishly if comfort is your main concern?
A: Very easily. I went to chemotherapy every other Wednesday from my office and it was easier for me to just be who I am than it was to, say, change into a track suit. I know there are a lot of other women out there like that because I heard it constantly in the infusion room through my treatment.
Q: What did you hear?
A: That I inspired people to really feel better about themselves by looking better.
Q: Are there clothing lines that you can look to?
A: There are. We talk about some clothing lines in the book that specialize in certain types of cotton and fibres that breath because you have hot flashes and night sweats and there are companies that specialize in that.
Q: There's an entire chapter in the book on hair, scarves and wigs. What's the most important advice you have to offer to a woman considering a wig?
A: I wore scarves the whole time. I was much more comfortable in a scarf or hats. That worked for me. I know many women who have to have a wig, and there are lots of amazing places now that specialize in wigs for cancer patients.
Q: I think a lot of people associate a woman in a headscarf with going through cancer treatment. What is it like to be wearing that scarf?
A: You are a cancer patient and people know it and that is just the way it is. What becomes even worse than your hair falling out is when your eyelashes and your eyebrows all fall out because then you really look like a cancer patient. It's the most traumatic thing that I think any woman goes through. I think it's almost worse than losing your breast.
Q: Why is that?
A: Because your hair for a lot of women is just so much a part of your identity.
Q: How did you deal with the looks people gave you or with what you knew people must be thinking when they saw you? How did you deal with that internally?
A: I had come to terms with my situation at that point. Really what people thought about it didn't phase me in the least. My focus was on saving my life and getting better and fighting the disease. It was really not about the way people were looking at me.
Q: After your mastectomy, you were looking forward to breast reconstruction. You thought you'd end up with the boobs you always wanted. You nearly died from complications. Would you do it again?
A: I had so many complications from reconstruction – my case was unusual, so it's not to scare women against reconstruction – but I did definitely think at that time that I was sorry that I had begun the process. I had been doing great, I was feeling great, I was living with one breast, but you know what? It was okay, I could do that.
In my mind I felt, "I'm 40 years old I have a long life ahead of me. I want to be put back together again. I don't want to look at these war wounds in the mirror every morning and every night."
That's why I decided to go forward with reconstruction, but it was a really difficult process for me. I'm not sorry I did it now of course, but at the time, yes, I was.
Q: One of the premises of the book is that cancer does not diminish beauty. To a woman who's at the beginning of this journey, how can that seem true?
A: It's very difficult to believe. I know it was difficult for me to believe, especially when you are going through a completely new experience that is wreaking havoc with your body and your looks. It's very hard to believe, but it's the truth. Most women come out of this experience stronger, both physically and mentally than they ever were before.
Q: How are you more beautiful today than you were before your diagnosis?
A: Physically, I'm probably the same. I didn't change, my hair grew back, but I think mentally and spiritually, I am certainly a better person. I'm a kinder, gentler person. As long as you have your health – I feel like you have everything.