Seeking help for depression changed her life
May 1, 2010
Carola Vyhnak
STAFF REPORTER
Cheryl Peever believed it was normal to hate her family and friends. Normal to want to kill herself. It was just a stage that would pass, she thought.
Looking back, she realizes that as a teenager and young woman, she didn’t know what “normal” felt like.
“I just knew I was totally unhappy. I had a lot of negative thinking and self-loathing. I saw the world through completely different-coloured sunglasses.”
She turned to drugs and alcohol to feel better. She got hooked and found herself caught in a tangle of dependency, depression and drug-dealing — “a pretty messy situation,” as she puts it.
Today, at 49, she’s happy and healthy, and she has a job and a life she loves. The turning point, almost 20 years ago, came with treatment for her mental illness.
“I knew I had a problem,” recalls Peever, a social worker. “Getting help was the issue.”
She was in the depths of her cocaine addiction and alcoholism when a doctor explained the symptoms of depression and the light went on. With antidepressants and psychiatric care, her mental health improved and she was able to tackle her substance abuse.
“It wasn’t until the depression was diagnosed and treated that I was able to commit to sobriety in any kind of way,” she says, adding that she has been clean and sober for 18 years.
Peever, a manager at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), tells her story because of the stigma and misconceptions that still hang over people with mental health issues.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard things on the radio, derogatory terms like ‘mad man’ or ‘crazy nutbar,’ ” she says. “I want to present a different picture of what someone with mental health issues can achieve.”
The decision to “come out,” as she calls it, wasn’t easy. It was triggered in 2006, when she won a Courage to Come Back Award, which recognizes people who use their own experience to help others overcome addiction or mental illness.
Putting her private history and vulnerability in the spotlight was a scary proposition. Even at CAMH, where she’d been working for almost 10 years, there was stigmatization and a culture of “us versus them,” which, according to Peever, pervades the health-care community.
“At the time it was pretty big news,” she says of her disclosure. Reaction from colleagues ranged from “knife-cutting comments” and awkward silence to whispered support and public praise.
But attitudes have changed since then, she says, although there’s still room for improvement.
As one in four Canadians experience mental health or addiction issues, “no one can say, ‘not in my family,’ ” Peever says. “We’re your friends, your neighbours, your colleagues. There’s a lot of us out there who are in recovery, and being productive and trying to contribute. I want to change how people act around them and what they say about them.”
Peever believes it’s important to talk about mental health issues for everyone’s benefit.
“Why are we keeping this a secret and making people suffer in silence?”
Her own depression is a continuing struggle. With coping strategies and a positive outlook, she leads a fulfilling, productive life.
“I’m always scared my mood is going to dip. But when bad days happen, I try not to panic. I keep my thoughts realistic, focus on the moment, and remember it will pass.”
The things that propel her forward are a meaningful job she loves, a sense of purpose, good nutrition, sleep and the occasional chocolate indulgence.
Walking to and from work makes stress evaporate, says Peever, who also takes classes in drawing and wood carving and belongs to a documentary film group.
“I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life, so being able to try things I never would have thought possible is exciting.”
New experiences keep her feeling alive “and that is a joyous feeling.” Recently she has tried zip-lining, belly dancing and stone carving. Add it all up and you have the ingredients of a healthy life, physically, mentally and emotionally, she says.
Peever offers this advice to others battling demons: “Never give up on yourself, no matter what messages you have been given!”
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